This is a personal blog of my lessons learnt of being in a
joint family and the relations revolving around it..
In life, for this generation, the concept of joint family is
something that they ll learn from social studies books. Full generations of
people have been living independently and independence is something that we
have enjoyed. Now when I tell my story, it is bound to be from my viewpoint and
my dear readers can interpret in the way they wish to.
Living in joint family for us meant primarily obeying what elders
in the family said. This obeying would mean that we are completely submissive
to their whims and fancies and the way they used to treat me or my parents would
be something more of “I am the king, you
are my subject, listen to me”. Now my Dad being the youngest son of my
grandparents, and my grandfather being a busy person could only convey to his
youngest son, “Listen to your brothers,
and do as they tell you”. The brothers looked after him really well, took
care of his needs and made him a rich person by allowing him to join the business.
He is successful today in terms of the wealth he created, but today sadly we
feel we are a “subject” to some king, in this case my dad’s brothers. Now when I
look back, I realize the importance of the Civil Disobedience movement
initiated by Mahatma Gandhi. Disobedience so that we could be free in this
world.
Lesson One: Obeying is
good, not in always. In a family, everyone has or should have the right to
speak up, and they should do so at an early age.
Business of the family and family business are two separate things
in life. While my dad was involved in a successful business that he used to run
with his elder brothers, many a times his relationship with his brothers was purely
business like, so was the approach from the other side. Some were the brothers
lost their plot and any relationship that existed was purely business. But
inside the family the cousins were and are the best of the buddies and the camaraderie
that exists between the cousins is good. This should continue. Relations should
not be made because of common goals alone of continuing in business. This is
wrong. The 3 brothers made a mistake of losing their identity of being brothers
and selfishness and ego’s crept in and business got affected. But thanks to
some good efforts from the children (cousins), the family ties continue to be
strong as steel.
Lesson Two: Relations
between families and blood relatives is pure, it’s not to be contaminated with
money, selfishness and ego’s. We should strive for it.
We have respect for to our teachers, our bosses, our
parents. In my observance there are two types of respects. Passive & Active
Respect. Passive respect comes from ones position that one holds. For example
we have respect for our teachers. But the respect continues after we long leave
school and college, this is earned respect or active respect. In family too,
these respects exists. As I was saying in the beginning, obeying would not
necessarily mean, giving respect. That is passive respect. The situation in my
family today is that, a person elder to you would mean, every one should show
him respect. While he himself should come down and earn others respect. This is
not happening in my family and am sure this situation is there in many families
too. A simple incidence comes to my mind. Recently a common function was being
hosted in the family, which was long before planned for which my parents were
invited for early morning function just the previous night at 10 pm. Respecting individualities and giving value to
the other person would make things far better.
Lesson Three: Give
respect, take respect.
In my family people take each other for granted. All this
again comes from the supremacy factor. Recently I had an argument with one of
my cousins. He started a chat with me to tell me that he was “angry” because I
dint call him on one occasion, while forgetting that I had called him many
times on ISD too. Well just because I called him, it does not mean that I was
expecting his call. This is what we do with our relations, we take people for
granted.
Lesson Four: Never
take people for granted. In a joint family this factor exists and we need to
remove this, because everyday all the people are not the same.
Love, love unconditionally, love without expectations. Sadly
this is not there in my family. I have no idea, but all I can say is that, I
love all of you, which makes me write this. If not today, am sure my future
will be better with this realization.